What is Career Suicide, Anyway?

The July/August 2007 issue of Fast Company features a one-page "open debate" on this question: "Is staying home with kids career suicide?"

I'm always drawn to articles like this. I stayed home with my kids for a time and have been working from home for the last four years. I know how I feel about my own decision, and what was great about staying home with kids and changing careers, and what was difficult. My spouse, friends and clients have done it all and felt it all - stayed at home, never stayed at home, went back and forth, wish they were home, wish they were working.

Two experts weigh in on the Fast Company debate: one is Leslie Bennetts, author, The Feminine Mistake: Are We Giving Up Too Much? and Vivian Steir Rabin, co-author, Back on the Career Track.

I have read neither of these interesting-sounding books, although that's not stopping me from weighing in on this debate myself!

The key question in the magazine's debate of course has to be dramatically phrased so that we'll all read the one-page article. Career + suicide = chilly, sinking feeling. Ooh, better read more. And that's my big beef with this debate, how it's framed.

The mere suggestion that staying home with kids may lead to the demise of our careers leads to feelings of panic, entrapment and guilt that are completely unnecessary. This is not a helpful or powerful position from which to make important career decisions. I know too many stressed out, guilt-ridden parents to believe otherwise.

Instead as we (meaning all of us, women and men) choose our careers, decide to have kids, and create plans for blending or separating the two, we should focus inward, on our values and priorities, first. It's a mistake to believe that there is some sort of path drawn out for our lives from which we must not stray, or else. Says who?

For example, do you want to be a VP at your company in the next three years? Do you have strong feelings about daycare? What's compelling to you about being a parent? Do you absolutely love being the CEO? Are you willing to move to a smaller house or apartment to be able to afford to work at the job you really want? We all have different answers to these questions.

I'm not refuting the data in the books the featured debaters wrote (which as you remember I have not read yet!) I'm also not suggesting that everything's going to be rosy if we simply follow our dreams. I guess my point in the debate is that I don't want to be debating this question!

I'm more compelled by a question such as, "What do you want in your career and what are you willing to risk to get it?" It's not an easy question to answer at all, but it doesn't instill quite the choking paralysis that the suggestion of career suicide does.

Frankly, what's "career suicide" to one person may be completely acceptable to another. Some careers can be easily restarted. Some people are willing to lose some professional ground in favor of gains in other areas of their lives. Many people change careers several times during their lives.

Priorities shift and things happen. Know what sacrifices are worth it and not worth it for you and your family, and give yourself a break from worrying about career suicide. Make your decisions after completing both a thorough internal sweep and objective research.

Life your life fully and readjust as necessary.

Heather Mundell
Dream Big Coaching Services
www.dreambigcoaching.com
heather@dreambigcoaching.com