How to Complain (and Why)

A little kvetching is good for you. Going overboard with it is not.

This philosophy works for me. Too much positive thinking just doesn't feel right to me, even with all my work with clients to "dream big".

This article from the Pacific Daily News features quotes from both the pro- and anti-kvetch camps.

On the pro side: When we complain in moderation to a willing listener, we are acknowledging the truth of our experience rather than hiding it. We may feel a little less miserable in the process.

On the anti side: When we complain, we are excusing ourselves from taking action. When we focus on the way things should be and cultivate a positive spirit, we infuse the world with that energy and make it a better place.

You may have read about the purple rubber bracelets you can get from A Complaint Free World to remind you not to complain and to signify your commitment to living a complaint-free life.

Here's my take on complaining and your career.

Complaining in moderation can help you understand what you'd rather be doing.

• Your job may not be a good fit anymore. It might be time for you move on to something really amazing. You're not going to make that move unless you're a at least a little bit uncomfortable. You won't realize your discomfort until you complain a bit.

Complaining too much sours you and infects everyone around you, too.

• It's easy to hide behind complaints (which includes gossip and sarcasm). If you complain a lot and never take action to change your circumstances, you're a victim. From there it's just a short hop over to bitterness. You'll attract certain kinds of people (whiners) and repel others (doers).

Go ahead and kvetch a bit about your job or your boss or the company. And then ask yourself what you will do to make it better.

You won't be able to solve all of your complaints. But doing something even very small will keep you in a position of action and power. And that feels a lot better than bitterness.

You might even decide to wear a purple rubber bracelet!

Heather Mundell
Dream Big Coaching Services
www.dreambigcoaching.com
heather@dreambigcoaching.com

Comments

[Monica Parker]

I like your take on complaining. What most of us do is complain and do nothing about it. If you can do your complaining to someone who can help you be proactive, you can figure out what needs to be changed in your work and life and take action.

Don't hear me as saying it's always about action though. Sometimes you just need a good vent to clear the system. Sometimes I'll give clients a couple of minutes (no more) and they can complain to their heart's content. Then they're ready to move on.

That said, all of this is easier said than done. I probably need to get one of those purple bracelets. :)

[Busines Lead]

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[The Office Newb]

I think that constant complaining about everything (the color of paper clips, the temperature of the office coffee, your co-workers annoying cell phone calls) can spread negativity in the office and make you look bad.

However--I think "targeted complaining" or speaking up about a bad project, manager or company policy is necessary. Look at the Enron, for example. What would have happened if a few brave souls didn't step and complain about the shady business practices of their executives?

I think when done right, complaining can be a catalyst for positive change. I once complained about being assigned an hour (literally!) to do a project so it could be released that afternoon. Management heard loud and clear and at the next company meeting I received a $25 gift card and an achievement award.

Who says complainers never prosper?

[Heather Mundell]

Absolutely, speaking up can be very necessary! I think in many cases that so-called "complaining" could also be called simply "speaking up for what is right". It's an interesting question - is speaking up a form of complaining? Am I having a problem seeing it as complaining because speaking up has a positive connotation while complaining has a negative one? Thanks for your thoughtful comment.

[FST]

Complaining can be addictive and insidious. Once a person establishes a complaining relationship with a coworker, it can be difficult to have positive interaction.
I would rather in the future know more about a job situation before I accepted the work than to end up in an unsuitable job and complain a lot.

On the other hand I have several times been in employment situations where the intent at some level was to foster change, or at least provide lip service to it. A frustrated, unsupported change agent is a difficult role to occupy.