life@work

How Advanced Degrees Affect Women's Lives

Photo by sndrspk

I am one of the few women in my now 10-year-old mom/baby group with "just" a B.A. degree.

Several have at least a Master's degree, and there are a couple of PhD's. Many of my friend's spouses or partners have advanced degrees, too.

I read this article from CareerJournal.com with interest, about a large new study conducted by a law professor at Washington & Lee that's coming out next week on women and advanced degrees.

Among the findings is the fact that women with M.B.A.'s are more likely to divorce than men. (Apparently the men to whom they are married don't also have an M.B.A., otherwise their divorce rate would be just as high, right?)

In fact, women with law and medical degrees are more likely to divorce than their male counterparts as well.

Forget divorce, the study also states that women with advanced degrees are abstaining from marriage in the first place at a much higher rate than are men.

And here is where the rubber meets the road - the more women earn, the more likely they are to be single without children.

This rings true looking at my own world of contacts.

The good news is that my highly educated friends are all still married. Yet, for the most part, they have decided to be at home full-time with their families. In these cases there is a high-earning spouse, with a demanding career that takes up a whole bunch of time.

One of my friends told me once that she thought a family in the U.S. could support only one "high powered" career. Personally, I agree.

We all have our ideas of what a family needs in terms of time devoted to family life and attending to children, and two people working 80 hours a week is really pushing it. (I'm not a fan of any one person spending 80 hours a week at work as a matter of fact!)

So what to make of all this? It's more evidence that career planning and navigation is tricky work when you've got a partner and kids. That old slogan about "having it all" - well, it's time to decide what you really, really want, because you may not be getting it all, not all at one time anyway.

I'm all about optimism and "making it work", a la Tim Gunn. I've got a can-do attitude and lot of creativity. Yet navigating career and family life often involves compromises and feelings of ambivalence. It's important for me to acknowledge that in my own life, and it's important to many of my clients to do that themselves as well.

If this were a blog about social and political activism, I'd have a call for action right about now. But instead I'll have a call for reflection.

• Do you fit the statistics of this new study?
• How has an advanced degree (or lack thereof) affected your happiness in relationships or your decision to become or not become a parent?
• And does your advanced degree translate into high compensation? (For many folks, it does not, sometimes to their surprise.)
  
• What compromises have you made or do you make regarding career and family?
• Are these compromises OK with you?

Heather Mundell
Dream Big Coaching Services
www.dreambigcoaching.com
heather@dreambigcoaching.com

The Good Enough Career

Sometimes I'm tired of striving for perfect - how about you?

It's a real gift to recognize when what you have is good enough. It will do. It's just perfectly OK and alright as is.

When was the last time you thought that about your career? Or about anything in your life?

What kind of career happiness would be possible for you if you felt grateful for all the good things about your good enough career?

When we are always striving for something better in our careers, we lose track of the present. We focus on what we don't have (more money, a promotion, a better office, a more interesting project, a more compelling organizational mission, a better boss). We worry a lot, sometimes to the point of being unable to appreciate what we do have. This isn't fun.

I've worked with plenty of people who hired me to help them change careers, jobs or companies - only to decide a bit later that they really had it pretty good where they were and would simply stay put, with a slightly adjusted attitude.

They came to this conclusion after thinking and talking about what was working well in their careers, not just the disappointments. Many times the pros were more compelling than the cons.

I'm all for proactive career development and planning ahead. But there's something to be said for enjoying your good enough career and setting the striving aside for a while.

Heather Mundell
Dream Big Coaching Services
www.dreambigcoaching.com
heather@dreambigcoaching.com

 

How Boomers Can Plan Working Until They're 97

Can you tell a member of Generation X wrote the title of this post?

Yes, it's my duty to occasionally poke fun at the huge and ambitious generation that has always cast a shadow on the misunderstood, whiny and poorly defined generation of which I am a member.

Some Boomers want to work until they drop. Why not? They've spent their whole lives working like fiends and are going to live a long time.

CareerJournal.com's article summarizing Tamara Erickson's upcoming book "Retire Retirement: Career Strategies for the Boomer Generation" offers some really useful ways for Boomers (and I would argue, even little ol' Generation X someday) to plan their retirement years.

Like any good career planning practice, the process Erickson describes hinges on looking inwardly first, then reviewing external opportunities and assessing their fit.

In a nutshell you look at both how you want to work and why you want to work, which makes complete sense, yet isn't something that everyone thinks to do.

Heather Mundell
Dream Big Coaching Services
www.dreambigcoaching.com
heather@dreambigcoaching.com

Happiness is Giving Your Full Attention - to Just About Anything

There's a book I turn to again and again that I feel I must say something about here. It's called The One Who is Not Busy: Connecting with Work in a Deeply Satisfying Way, by Darlene Cohen.

I'm convinced that finding happiness at work happens more reliably when we're paying attention to how we're thinking and what we're choosing to focus our attention on.

In other words, it's not just about finding that dream set of circumstances to plug yourself into - you have a lot of power and control on your own to make it great or suffer mightily.

Let's face it - a lot of us are stressed out. There's too much to do, the demands are overwhelming, and at the heart of much of our distress is our extreme level of busyness.

We can find some relief through taking breaks. But what Darlene Cohen's small, wise book discusses is a way to take the Zen approach to consciousness, known as simultaneous inclusion, and use it to create an entirely different relationship with busyness and our work.

I don't want to lecture about Zen concepts and summarize koans here, though. Suffice to say, if you're curious about how you can learn to focus your full attention on what you are doing, whether it is presenting a new ad campaign to a client or washing dishes, and consequently experience a feeling of flow and increased well-being, read the book!

I will give you a sneak peek at the two key skills the book offers, and how I think acquiring them would help me.

Skill #1: The Ability to Narrow or Widen the Mind's Focus at Will

If I can get the hang of this, I can focus deeply on a task at hand as if it's the only thing in my world and then come "to the surface" whenever I want and place that task in relation to the general scheme of things.

I do the small steps well and with full focus without losing the big picture.

Skill #2: The Mental Flexibility to Shift the Mind's Focus at Will from One Thing to Another

If I figure this one out, I can move from narrow task to narrow task to narrow task quickly, letting one go completely before dipping into the other. I leave work at work. I don't get stuck in compulsive thinking or fretting.

When there's too much to do I simply do the work, mindfully absorbed in it.

It's understandable to cling to our busyness - it can make us feel alive and it protects us from emptiness - but if life feels particularly mechanical to you right now, try some of the practices in this book (many of them are meditative).

You may find that simply changing your focus changes your entire experience.

Heather Mundell
Dream Big Coaching Services
www.dreambigcoaching.com
heather@dreambigcoaching.com

 

Quick Tips on Work-Life Balance

Kent Blumberg wrote a great post on how to restore work/life balance.

It's great because he offers 12 diverse ideas you can digest in a few moments and solutions you can start working on right away. No procrastination required!

Take a look at his list and pick something you can do that would make a big impact. Even a very small change or adjustment can lead to big differences. Commit to starting it right away without a big fuss or analysis session.

Personally I'm taking on setting a few more rules for myself around my home office - when I'm starting and stopping work in any given day, when I'll check email, and when I'll leave it for the night.

What will you take on?

Heather Mundell
Dream Big Coaching Services
www.dreambigcoaching.com
heather@dreambigcoaching.com

What is Career Suicide, Anyway?

The July/August 2007 issue of Fast Company features a one-page "open debate" on this question: "Is staying home with kids career suicide?"

I'm always drawn to articles like this. I stayed home with my kids for a time and have been working from home for the last four years. I know how I feel about my own decision, and what was great about staying home with kids and changing careers, and what was difficult. My spouse, friends and clients have done it all and felt it all - stayed at home, never stayed at home, went back and forth, wish they were home, wish they were working.

Two experts weigh in on the Fast Company debate: one is Leslie Bennetts, author, The Feminine Mistake: Are We Giving Up Too Much? and Vivian Steir Rabin, co-author, Back on the Career Track.

I have read neither of these interesting-sounding books, although that's not stopping me from weighing in on this debate myself!

The key question in the magazine's debate of course has to be dramatically phrased so that we'll all read the one-page article. Career + suicide = chilly, sinking feeling. Ooh, better read more. And that's my big beef with this debate, how it's framed.

The mere suggestion that staying home with kids may lead to the demise of our careers leads to feelings of panic, entrapment and guilt that are completely unnecessary. This is not a helpful or powerful position from which to make important career decisions. I know too many stressed out, guilt-ridden parents to believe otherwise.

Instead as we (meaning all of us, women and men) choose our careers, decide to have kids, and create plans for blending or separating the two, we should focus inward, on our values and priorities, first. It's a mistake to believe that there is some sort of path drawn out for our lives from which we must not stray, or else. Says who?

For example, do you want to be a VP at your company in the next three years? Do you have strong feelings about daycare? What's compelling to you about being a parent? Do you absolutely love being the CEO? Are you willing to move to a smaller house or apartment to be able to afford to work at the job you really want? We all have different answers to these questions.

I'm not refuting the data in the books the featured debaters wrote (which as you remember I have not read yet!) I'm also not suggesting that everything's going to be rosy if we simply follow our dreams. I guess my point in the debate is that I don't want to be debating this question!

I'm more compelled by a question such as, "What do you want in your career and what are you willing to risk to get it?" It's not an easy question to answer at all, but it doesn't instill quite the choking paralysis that the suggestion of career suicide does.

Frankly, what's "career suicide" to one person may be completely acceptable to another. Some careers can be easily restarted. Some people are willing to lose some professional ground in favor of gains in other areas of their lives. Many people change careers several times during their lives.

Priorities shift and things happen. Know what sacrifices are worth it and not worth it for you and your family, and give yourself a break from worrying about career suicide. Make your decisions after completing both a thorough internal sweep and objective research.

Life your life fully and readjust as necessary.

Heather Mundell
Dream Big Coaching Services
www.dreambigcoaching.com
heather@dreambigcoaching.com

Are You a Workaholic?

When does dedicated hard-work turn into workaholism?

With so many people feeling pressured by their organizations to get more and more work done, when does workaholism become an expectation rather than a compulsion?

Is workaholism bad for everyone, or can it be healthy for some?

I wonder about these kinds of questions as I listen to people I know talk about their (or their spouse's) work hours and work styles.

Some proudly wear the badge of "workaholic". They can get a high from all the activity, accomplishment and intensity of their jobs. Others are feeling crushed by the stress. They feel that becoming a workaholic is the only response they can make to the demands of their jobs.

CareerJournal.com offers these tips about how to know you're a workaholic:

• You are preoccupied with work in the extreme.
• You don't delegate well.
• Your family feels neglected and/or you have no life outside of work.
• You turn other parts of your life, such as hobbies, into work or a business.
• You sneak in work, not wanting to be caught.

Check out the full article for ideas on how to ward off becoming a workaholic. Because like any behavior that ends in "aholic", it's just not a healthy lifestyle.

So that's my personal bias showing. Long-term, chronic workaholism isn't good for you, the people you care about, and (gasp) just possibly, your organization. I think that sounds pretty basic, but I know many, many people who believe differently, or at least live as though they do.

Do you believe you are being forced to become a workaholic against your will? Have you figured out how to resist the pressure of becoming a workaholic? I'd love to hear more of both of these kinds of stories.

Heather Mundell
Dream Big Coaching Services
www.dreambigcoaching.com
heather@dreambigcoaching.com

Technorati Tags: workaholism careerjournal

Why Being Indispensable Isn't Your Smartest Strategy

A dear friend of mine took her newborn baby home from the hospital yesterday. Most of us parents get about eight months to plan and prepare for a new arrival, but my friend had three days.

She and her husband had just agreed to adopt this baby, due New Year's Eve, and then received the call Friday: "She's here!"

There was not a single diaper, onesie or bottle in the house. No car seat, Baby Bjorn or bouncy seat, either.

The talk with their four year-old son went something like this:

"What do you think of having a baby sister? Like on Monday?"

The healthy baby was born four weeks early, operating on her own timetable, as babies are wont to do.

My friend has a very responsible job. She is a real muckety-muck whose Plan for December did not involve starting family leave a month ahead of schedule with no time to prepare. She had critical projects to complete, loose ends to tie up, reviews to write.

Cue Work Life Balance theme music.

When she started talking to me Sunday night about how she might work one day a week from home during her family leave, I could see where she was coming from. It's hard to remember just how time consuming taking care of a newborn is, even when you've done it before, and it's hard to imagine completely stepping away from a major responsibility, even temporarily.

But it's called family leave for a reason, and I said as gently as possible, "You aren't indispensable, you know." I was hoping she'd cut herself a break and allow herself to focus fully on getting to know the baby, helping big brother adjust, and enjoying this unique time as much as she could.

The saving grace for my friend is her outstanding team. She knows she's hired a great group of people whose competence and helpfulness she can rely on when she's gone.

I was so relieved to hear this. Because being the only person who can do "X" or the only person who knows about "Y" is not only exhausting but reflects poor planning.

It may be tempting to think that your ticket to job security is being the one whom the company can't do without, but I happen to believe the opposite idea is true. When you hire superstars and mentor them so well they could takeover the world tomorrow, everyone looks good.

Babies arrive early, parents get sick, and stuff happens. Any one of us might need to take a month or more off work with no notice. When your team can step up to the plate and hold things together well, your previous efforts are better protected and your return to work goes much more smoothly.

Heather Mundell
Dream Big Coaching Services
www.dreambigcoaching.com
heather@dreambigcoaching.com

Tuesday is Take Back Your Time Day

I almost didn't have time to write about Take Back Your Time Day. How ironic.

October 24, 2006 is the 4th annual such day, a day to call attention to the problem of time stress and have a public conversation about it.

This year's theme is "Let's Get Back to the Table!" , reminding people about the joys of gathering around the table.

Are you working more and enjoying your life less? Does your schedule feel like a road race? You might want to check this movement out.

There's a list of 50 quick things you can do for Take Back Your Time Day. Take a look and choose just one to do (it's a great list, including "cancel something" and "sleep late" - something for everyone!)

When this one day of the year is over, what will you do to remain mindful of your time and how you spend it?

I'm overhauling my entire approach to how I schedule my business and all the other containers in my life into which I put my energy. As I told someone just last week, I've been pouring two gallons of water into a one gallon jug and finding myself continually surprised and dismayed at the mess on the floor.

Time for a mop and a different container.

Heather Mundell
Dream Big Coaching Services
www.dreambigcoaching.com
heather@dreambigcoaching.com

Technorati Tags: take back your time day, time stress, time management, stress reduction

Career Mom Radio Show About Working From Home

I've been having fun contributing to the weekly podcast radio show, Career Mom Radio.

If you're a mom with a home office, give a listen to this week's show for tips and pitfalls. And you'll also get to hear all about my kids' humble and obedient respect of the "Mom is working - go find Dad" sign I have hanging on my office doorknob.

For listening on the go, download the show using iTunes.

Heather Mundell
Dream Big Coaching Services
www.dreambigcoaching.com
heather@dreambigcoaching.com

Technorati Tags: career mom podcasts homeoffice